First and foremost you have to ask yourself some basic questions about why you want to get married? What is marriage? What does it mean to be married? So let’s start with the definition of what marriage is. Marriage is the union between two people, regardless of sex, who commit to each other through love. Also, being married consist of two people coming together as one sharing resources and responsibilies together. Marriage is a union of the heart, mind and soul. It is not a union to be taken lightly or out of context. In this day and age with the divorce rate on the rise, many couples have taken this union for granted.
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When I was 27 years old, most of my friends were rushing to get married. At that time I was in a relationship for about 7 years and I was having mixed emotions about getting married. However, I didn’t want to be the only one lefted out from getting married. Especially, since my friends relationships weren’t as seasoned as mine. I have always had a desire to get married. I guess I was waiting for the right time. I didn’t want to go into a marriage with unresolved issues. I didn’t want to go into marriage with the both of us up to our neck in debt. My partner was having a hard time keeping a job ever since his company downsized and laid him off. That has been a major factor in the issues that plague our relationship.
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As time progressed and my friends began to get married I began to experience the emotions of being left out, being alone, having children, having a family, along with some depression. My friends would ask what am I waiting for to get married? They glamorized being married and made me feel that I was missing out because I wasn’t married yet. They even implied that our friendship would be in jeopardy because they’re married and I’m not. So based upon these emotions and peer pressure I made the decision to get marriage although in my heart I wasn’t ready.
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As the date approached on my big day, I felt confused and tensed. I was convinced that it did not appear only as pre-wedding jitters. I felt that it was more than that. It was my conscience letting me know that I was doing the wrong thing. Although, I didn’t have a clue of what I was suppose to be feeling at that time. I did realize that the emotions that I was experiencing wasn’t right. I was feeling convicted because I was about to marry for the wrong reasons. I had to come to the realization that marriage is not about my so called friends or about what I want, it’s about two people coming together and sharing a union in the sight of God. It’s about a strong desire fueled by love, trust, truth, honesty, commitment, friendship and joy. My fiancé and I didn’t have that. Needless to say, I did not continue with the wedding, and as a result I disappointed a lot of people. But life goes on, and my fiance and I are still in love. We are addressing all of our issues and I’m happy to say that marriage is in the forecast.
My decision not to get married has affected me and those that I love. Entering into this sacred bond is not to be taken lightly. Marriage is a symbolic gesture of love and commitment between two people. Marriage is a lifetime promise that you make to one another. It’s not something that you enter into with reservations and uncertainties. This union is for a lifetime. Until death do you apart. It’s not a relationship that you can easily dismiss at the first sign of trouble. If it doesn’t work, you can’t call it quits, that means you have to work on it. If you feel like you’re not ready, then don’t commit yourself to marriage. Marriage is a whole different set-up and you cannot give up right away just because you want to. There are a lot of things that you have to consider and take into account. Not only to yourself and your spouse, or even your children. The most important things that you have to consider in marriage is your promise and commitment in the sight of God.
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